My Dearest Molly Mae
My dearest Molly Mae,
From the moment I found out you were growing inside of me, I had dreams of what life would look like and how our story would be written. I would get to place you in your older brothers’ and sisters’ arms as they welcomed you into our family of seven. We would spend hours nursing, I would help you take your first wobbly steps, I would rock you to sleep, feeling your soft breaths against my chest. I shared the news quickly with your dad, and soon we both dreamed about what life with 5 kids would look like.
Our story took a turn into a different chapter at our 20 week ultrasound on March 17th. My dear baby girl, for a short moment, I lost some of my dreams for you. During that ultrasound, as we sat down with our favorite ultrasound tech, she quickly told us something was not looking okay with your body. Our story began to change. Your dad squeezed my hand tightly and time stood still as we sat in complete silence, waiting for our doctor, knowing that very difficult news was being written into our story.
Your dad and I quickly learned that while most of your measurements looked good, your brain had not developed the way it was supposed to and you had something special called: Alobar Holoprosencephaly. The way that you had been created was going to make it hard for you to live long here with us. There was a strong possibility that you were not even going to meet me or your dad.
My heart ached at the thought of never meeting you. My mind could not even grasp how staggering the statistics were that you would probably live with Jesus for your entire life, skipping meeting me, your dad and all of your wonderful siblings. My sweet little girl, finding out that news about how your body had been wonderfully and lovingly created changed the way I had been dreaming and hoping our story would be written.
Over the last 8 months, you taught me the power of prayer. As your dad and I chose to focus on the power of your story and the One who created you, we invited people to join us in prayer. Hundreds of people quickly grew into a staggering number as people prayed for you and the story that was being written. As your dad and I drove to doctor’s appointments, we often both felt such an overwhelming sense of peace. Appointments often brought more difficult news as we learned more about how your body was created, how you were struggling to grow and how those struggles were beginning to affect my own body. It was hard to put into words how our hearts were able to rest, anxiety was low and a calmness accompanied us through many appointments. None of that would have been possible without the hope of Christ, and the Holy Spirit walking with us through every step of the last week. We had people praying for us, lifting us up and interceding for us when we were just too overwhelmed and too tired to do so on our own.
Over the last 8 months, you taught me about the power of community. We were flooded with messages, texts, emails, phone calls, hugs and meals that each reminded us in a very visible and tangible way of how important community is. I got to see people being the hands and feet of Jesus as I chose to lean into those around us that loved on us deeply. I believe people are made to do life together, especially in times of crisis or difficulty. We are called to love and support one another not just when things are good and smooth, but when things get a bit bumpy or unexpected. We are so thankful that as we lean into the people in our lives that they stand with us and help hold us in so many different ways.
Over the last 8 months, you taught me about the power of life. I already knew that I believed that the value of life is not determined by how someone looks, their ability to contribute to society or the ease at which they enter the world. I believed it but chose to live it out every single day while I carried you. Your life was highly valued because God created you to reflect an amazingly unique and beautiful part of himself. You are as inimitable as your siblings because you each are a reflection of the God who created you. Molly Mae, you are such a beautiful little person and your dad and I value and cherish you beyond measure. You are a gift to our lives simply because of who created you, because you have been chosen and created by God.
My dearest Molly Mae, when I met you for the first time on July 6th at 2:08pm, you took my breath away. When they laid you on my chest for the first time and I could feel your little chest lift up and down as breath filled your lungs, the next part of our story was just beginning. Our chapter was only 3 days. Hours of holding you, feeling your little breaths, hearing your little sounds and having your tiny finger wrapped around mine- 3 days was too short yet I am so thankful for the gift of those days with you. Your 3 days of life here on earth touched so many lives, I am not sure if I can count all of the ripples of your story.
Molly Mae, you may never know your story and it may feel like you left with too many unfinished chapters, but I love our story. It is forever intertwined and one of my favorite chapters. I am so thankful for our bumps and difficulties. I am so thankful for your wildly strong heartbeat and your ability to move and dance inside of me. I am so thankful for the pain and discomfort that came from carrying you for 36 weeks. I am so thankful that I am your mom and will always be a part of your very special story. Forever feels like a long time to miss you, but as your body is free from all pain, limitations and is whole, I am overflowing with joy knowing I will see you again with Jesus.
My dearest Molly Mae, your dad and I love you.
Your Mom