May Tomorrow Be Different

Tomorrow we go in for our 20 week ultrasound for the twins. This day comes with so much angst and anticipation. We are looking forward to seeing them kick around, hear their heart beats and confirm what we are having. Yet, in the back of our minds we remember how painful this same type of appointment was a year ago. Our day quickly did a 180 and we were soon quickly introduced to the world of holoproscencephaly.

We pray that tomorrow would be different. We pray that regardless of how our babies have been formed and created in my womb, tomorrow we would not hear a devastating diagnosis for our babies. We pray that we would go in leaning fully on God as anxiety creeps into my heart.

Will you join us? Our journey that started last year was possible because of the people we had alongside us and we want to invite you to continue to walk alongside us.

I’ve been at a loss for how to express my words in prayer, but this liturgy from Every Moment Holy speaks words as if they were directly from my heart:

In the midst of whatever follows, O Lord,
let me meet your mercies anew,
and anew, and anew.
In the midst of my dismay, fix my eyes again
and again upon your eternal promises.

How this ends—that is up to you.
If the next news is favorable, I will
praise you for the ongoing gift of life.
If tomorrow’s tidings are worse, still
will I proclaim your goodness, my
heart anchored ever more firmly in the
eternal joys you have set before me.

And when, whether days or decades from
now, you finally bid me rise and follow you
across the last valley, I will rejoice
in your faithfulness even there.
Especially there—

praying Thy will be done,
and trusting by faith that it will be done.
That it is being done. Even now.
Even in this disquiet.

I am utterly yours, O Christ.
In the midst of this uncertainty,
I abandon myself again to you, the author
and the object of all my truest hopes.
Amen.