March 18th

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18

March 18, 2021 changed my heart permanently. The day started off normal, getting everyone ready for the day. Jay came home early from work and we drove to our 20 week ultrasound. I confessed to him how uneasy I felt, something in my soul was stirring as we walked into that appointment.

I will never forget when our tech told us, “guys, something doesn’t look right.” We received the devastating news that Mollys brain hadn’t development in the same way our brains were formed and she was missing an essential part to help her function and thrive outside the womb.

Before we left the ultrasound room, our tech prayed over us and gave us the most special blessing before we headed into one of the most difficult conversations with our doctor.

Looking back, I realize now the uneasiness I felt was the Holy Spirit shifting my heart to invite him into our morning. He knew my heart wouldn’t have the strength to walk through it alone and wanted to accompany me as we stepped through the doorway into this next chapter of our lives.

As we talked with our doctor and learned of the very bleak looking future for our daughter, we had to explain why no matter what, we would choose life for her. While she could die at any moment in the womb, she would live comfortably, knowing only the sounds of her and me, living in peace and comfort. We chose to give her life even though we knew we probably wouldn’t ever meet her alive.

It was a conversation I never dreamt of having. It was a deep pain I had never experienced. It was a defining moment in our marriage that we chose to step into together, knowing immense hurt and loss was coming. It was a moment of tangibly knowing God was near, just as he promises that he will draw near to the broken hearted.

I had little idea of what was coming, the pain, grief, physical pain, discomfort and yet I can saw with absolute confidence that God is a God of comfort. He is tender, loving, caring and full of a soft gentleness that met my broken heart in a way only He can.