I would’ve never dream of this 2 years ago

2 years ago today, we learned about Molly’s diagnosis. We learned about her cleft palate, her missing nose, the missing division that should’ve happened in her brain development, we learned about big words like: Holoprosencephaly. 2 years ago, I remember driving back home with Jay. We sobbed, our hearts physically hurt with the burden of pain for our baby girl, for our 4 other kids at home, for ourselves. As we drove, a song came on. I had heard it so many times, the words came easily to my lips as I began to sing along. I didn’t have my own words, so God gave me words. They sounded like this:

I can only imagine what it will be like when I walk by Your side
I can only imagine what my eyes would see when Your face is before me
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees, will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine.

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son.
I can only imagine when all I will do is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine.

In those moments, as we drove home. Stunned, in so much pain, crying and wondering- something shifted. Something shifted in my heart that day that I have never experienced. As I chose to lean into God, singing the words he had for me, he met me in the most tangible way. My focus- our focus changed from looking at the situation we were in at the moment to looking ahead and focusing on the end.

Soon after we found out about Molly’s diagnosis, we were told her had the option to end the pregnancy if we chose to. Without hestitation we both knew that was not the choice for us. We both believe that the little girl that I was carrying had as much value as